Fumble Guy Order
by Lord Trent Blackmore
Summary: When an ordinary guy stumbles into the Chaldea Humanity Retention Facility just in time to be Leyshifted into the contaminated Fuyuki. With the help of his summoned Beast, can he fumble his way through in order to get home? (Self-Insert) Cancelled, being reworked and rewritten as Telling Tales.
1. Chapter 1

**Fumble Guy Order 01**

"And you're sure this will work?"

Looking over my shoulder at the young lady standing behind me, I can't help but quail internally at the sight of her biting her lip, "It should work, although this is the first time that we've had to work under such… circumstances, Master."

I look about and catch sight of the burning city out of one of the windows, with a sigh I reply, "Fair."

Looking down at the shield on the cracked and dirty floor, sitting in the middle of a rather intricate circle drawn on said floor, I try and pull at the energy I'd felt when I'd been Leyshifted into this Singularity. There's still something missing… I breathe deeply, and the image forms in my mind…

The thumb is braced against the spark wheel, and then the wheel is ripped, spark meets gas… the flame _ignites_.

It feels like there's thirteen canals of fire burning through me, but it's enough. Blue light rippled out from the shield and across the circle, bluebell sprites lifting from the surface and swirling through the air. The light builds to a blinding pitch, and I have to avert my eyes, even though the three Command Seals on my hand burn, I can't protest what's happening.

There's a cracking sound, and the light dies away, I lower my arm and look at my summoned Servant.

"AAAAAAAAAAA"

A noise more akin to singing than language greets me, and standing the circle is not any being I expected. Her hair is an odd cerulean shade and her eyes are a pupiless crimson though there's an odd sparkle shape in them, on her abdomen are glowing cyan sigils, great horns jut from the sides of her head curving and coruscating, and she was wearing very little beyond gloves, what are either leggings or boots, a cape of sorts, and a pair of bikini bottoms.

Tiamat. Beast II. The primordial mother goddess of ancient Babylon, characterised through the raging seas, rising tides, and fierce storms, associated with dragons and birthing both monsters and gods. To what I know, it would take the combined might of many Heroic Spirits not just to defeat her, but to make her _vulnerable_.

I screamed.

"Master?" Mash called out to me, even as I could hear Doctor Roman going on about something.

I continue to scream for a few more seconds before taking a breath, after that, I look to Mash, then back to Tiamat, who has yet to move. I swallow, "So, I guess this is a thing now."

"LAAAAAAA"

"Oh, don't you sass me," I shoot at the goddess, unsure if she's actually sassing me or not. Better safe than sorry though.

It's then that Mash speaks up, "Amazing Senpai, I can't understand her at all."

"I can't either, Mash. I'm just covering my bases," I explain, even as Roman has a hushed conversation with someone.

Tiamat steps from the circle to loom over me, her eyes boring into me an unfamiliar emotion sparkling in the crimson orbs. Roman snaps me out of staring back when he speaks, "-you don't understand, none of our instruments are able to get a proper reading on her. She's an anomalous Servant that we're unable to assign a class to, Hell, we don't even know the identity of this Servant."

I turn my eyes back to Tiamat, this strange, perfect figure, enigmatic and alien, and I'm the only one who knows the truth. That to her, we are frightening aliens, that must eventually be wiped out. But…

But, if Fou, the fourth Beast, Primate Murder, can be reached through kindness, maybe Tiamat can too.

I reach out and take her clasped hands in mine, the red loops of my Command Seals shining in my gaze.

"Tiamat, her name is Tiamat."

{~}{~}

"So, Master of Shielder and whoever this lady is, what do you truly aim to do here?" The druidic Caster version of Cu Chulainn asks as we climb Mount Enzo, with him, Mash and Tiamat leading the pack.

I shrug, "Take the grail, resolve the singularity, go back to Chaldea? Beyond that, I've no plans."

"I hate the fact that we're being forced to rely on someone as half baked as you…" Olga mutters from beside me, and I'm tempted to kick her in the shins for her lip.

Alas, I am a kind existence and settle for replying, "And yet, my half baked ways are salvaging this entire shitshow. I'd like at least a modicum of respect for that accomplishment."

"I'll give you respect if you actually do anything to earn it! All you've done is rely on Kyrielight, Caster, and that Servant that you're claiming is Tiamat," The white haired lass snipes at me as she shoots me a dirty look.

I scowl at her, "It's called delegating. It's a skill employed by many successful leaders, maybe you'd know that if you had even the slightest bit of leadership ability."

Olga was agog at that, but quickly recovers her composure and angrily snaps, "I know how to delegate! You're the one who's abusing his privileges by foisting all the work off on them."

"I'd be abusing my privileges if I weren't helping the group's productivity in any way, which is completely wrong. I'm providing valuable moral support, which you are sabotaging with your depressing attitude," I sniff, turning my nose up at Olga in irritation. My eyes lock onto the courtyard resting atop the stairs where the Ryudo Temple once was, and I continue, "Now, we've made it to the top so we should probably stop talking and look alive."

"Oh, so you noticed him already? The bastard's been trying to snipe us for most of the day," Cu muses as the Blackened EMIYA's form materializes from the treeline on the other side of the clearing.

I nod, "It was really, truly, quite rude of him. Alas, we don't really have time for his shenanigans. Tiamat, git'em."

The goddess strode across the clearing, each step carrying her further as she grew in size, such that by the time she was halfway across the clearing she was already two stories tall. Her clasped hands come down thunderously, and Archer jumps into the air, bow in hand but not an arrow nocked. There's a brief stream of light that forms into an arrow but EMIYA is unable to launch it, as Tiamat's mouth rips open to reveal rows of pointed teeth and she catches the Servant of the bow in her maw. There's a crunching sound and eventually Tiamat returns to my side, shrinking back to the height she'd been at before entering the fray.

" _Jesus Christ!_ " I mutter, somewhere between terrified and impressed at how quickly Archer had been dispatched, though I was horrified at how he went.

There were a few sounds of agreement, and at least one person gags, we collectively take a few moments to sort ourselves out. We all share a look, and Cu speaks first, "That was quite the way to go."

"Agreed, now let's not talk about it." Olga grouses, though she does look a little green around the gills. I nod, but before I can urge the group forward, there's the sound of clapping hands and a voice calls out.

"My, my, what a motley you all are," Stepping out of the treeline, is a man who is dapperly dressed but with ridiculously shaggy hair atop his dome. He's staring down at us, and though his expression appears pleasant, it's what he says that puts me on edge, "I hadn't expected you, or anyone really, to get this far. And it's gotten to the point that the deviations are starting to spiral beyond my predictions…"

I can hear Mash call out to the man, and Roman exclaim his surprise, but it's Olga's reaction that worries me. Her shoulders hitch and I can see tears gather in the corners of her eyes, and as she makes to run to him, I put a hand on her shoulder and grip it tightly enough that she can't shake me. She shoots me a glare and all I can do is explain, "Olga, I want you to think the situation through, as it's really _not_ painting Lev in the best light."

"What are you talking about? Lev's been a trusted colleague and member of Chaldea for years!" Her face twists in anger as she slaps my hand off her shoulder, but despite her own reaction, Lev hasn't moved an inch.

I send a baleful look his way as I explain, "Chaldea is sabotaged, leading to the deaths or injuring of the vast majority of its Master candidates as well as a good number of the other employees. And he just pops up here, unscathed, and goes on about how he hadn't expected anyone to make it this far and how things are deviating from his predictions."

Mash and Olga were both staring at me, horror creeping into their expressions, from the corner of my eye I spot Cu steeling himself and I can hear Roman swearing under his breath. And Lev's just standing there, smiling pleasantly, as if we've bumped into each other while on a stroll.

"Hell, the most damning piece of evidence, is the fact that Lev just sauntered out of the woods all 'la-dee-da' despite the fact that Archer would have likely killed any he considered an enemy. So why the hell is Lev not in goddamn pieces? You want to answer that Lev?" I ask, my hands flying up to cue the man to speak.

His face twists into a sneer as he rockets into his own rant, "You know, it's almost refreshing that you saw through me, despite the fact that all of my efforts today seem to have gone sideways. First, Romani doesn't listen to me and neglects to show up at the Control Room, and now, Olga's still around despite the fact that I planted the bomb _right beneath her feet_."

Olga flinches back at that, shaking her head in disbelief even as Lev continues, "Don't you remember Olga? You never had any aptitude for Leyshifting, so how could you be here, unless you achieved that aptitude upon the death of your physical body?"

"And if she returns to Chaldea in that state, then her conscious will completely fade away or something like that, Am I right?" I cut him off before he can push any further.

He smiles, his expression in a cruel grimace as he replies, "Indeed, I thought that I'd spare her suffering that cruelty, if only out of pity."

"I say spare her your pity, because you have a bigger issue. Tiamat, take care of Lev, if you would," I order the goddess to attack, but before she even makes it close enough to him to attack, he disappears. Casting my gaze about, the rest of the group doing the same, I don't see him anywhere so I ask, "Doctor Roman, any clue on where he went?"

"No, and none of the instruments are picking up anything either, it's like he's dropped out of the singularity completely…" The good doctor muses, sounding more than a bit troubled.

I swallow, and take a moment to gather my bearings before speaking, "Then we'll press on and resolve the singularity, and deal with Lev if he reappears. Best not to waste what time we have."

"How could he… How could he do this?" Olga murmurs, frustration painting her features, tears falling slowly as she clenches her fists and glares at the place where Lev stood.

I'm tempted to try and comfort her, but instead say, "Listen Director, I know that this is hard for you to deal with. But we have to keep going, there'll be time for us to figure out what to do about Lev when we get back to Chaldea."

"But I'll just die if I go back, what's the point in taking me along?" Lacking all of her usual heat behind her words, she just looks forlorn.

I sigh, "Because… because I'll make sure you get back to Chaldea, and that you won't fade away."

"Why are you lying to me? To make me feel better? To use me as we move towards stabilizing the singularity?" She snaps, recovering some of the fire she exhibited before.

Shaking my head, I answer, "No, just, I'm going to try and get you back to Chaldea in one piece, and in such a state that you won't fade away."

"Why?"

I sigh again, "Because, you don't deserve what's happened to you today."

Leaving Olga for the moment, I walk over to the three Servants, and took a moment to take them in before speaking. Mash looked a bit shaken earlier, though she seems to have gathered herself. Cu was looking rather nonchalant and Tiamat looked entirely unaffected. I nod to each of them, but take a moment to speak to Mash, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, just… conflicted over what happened with Professor Lev, but don't worry. I'll be able to fight at my maximum capabilities should it be necessary, Sempai." She gives me an answering nod, and though I feel that she might be putting on a front.

I sigh, we've got a ways yet to go.

{~}{~}

Watching as the Servants clash with the Altered Artoria, I can't help but note that Tiamat's actively detrimental to the fight beyond her size being useful when penning the Saber in. It was kind of obvious really, that the knight's speed would allow her to dance around the giantess' grip.

The upside of this whole encounter was that Mash had unlocked the first stage of her Noble Phantasm during the encounter, though it had nowhere near the power it could eventually reach. Though, Lord Chaldeas only really helped when Saber decided to fire off Excalibur Morgan.

Cu's the only really helpful one here, with his rune magic letting him press her when she's caught between either Mash or Tiamat.

I look over at Olga, and ask, "When do you think she'll notice?"

"I still can't believe you did this…" The white haired girl grimaces from beside me.

Laughing, I wave the physical manifestation of the Grail around a bit, "You're just mad that you didn't think to steal the Grail from her like this." Lifting it over my head, I make sure that it can be clearly seen from the fray and shout, "Hey! Saber, look at what I got!"

The Tyrant of Knight's head snaps towards me, her eyes widening as she sees the item in my hand. She suddenly jumps back as one of Tiamat's hands slams down in front of her, only to catch a shield bash to the back from Mash, she tries to escape from between them only for fire to fill the space. A great wicker fist rises up from beneath her, hoisting her into the air as the rest of the Wicker Man takes form.

Saber goes to jump off the fist to escape the activation of Cu's Noble Phantasm, but ends up the second victim of Tiamat's eating habits.

I look at the goddess and wonder aloud, "Is this going to be a thing?"

"God, I hope not," Olga mutters, a disgusted grimace on her face.

As the Servants approach, I nod to each of them, "Thanks for taking care of her. Doctor, we're almost done here."

"Oh? You've taken care of everything, right? You got the Grail and took care of the person maintaining the singularity, so what's left?" The good doctor asks.

I lift up the grail, "Are you all forgetting what these are capable of?"

As they all seem to realize, I turn to Olga and raise the grail high, her face torn between hope and fear as I intone, "I wish upon the Holy Grail, that Olga Marie Animusphere be returned the body that she lost this day, hale, hearty, and healthy."

The grail gives off a brief glow, before dissipating, and Olga's body takes on a golden sheen for a few moments. After it passes, she looks at her hands, "Did it work?"

"I guess…" I answer, looking to the various Servants and getting shrugs from two of them. I shrug in turn, "Guess we'll find out, beam us up, Doc."

 _AN: And welcome to the Fumble Guy Order, where it's going to mostly be comedy and character interactions until things really pop off. Don't worry, all will become clear in time._


	2. Chapter 2

**Fumble Order 02**

I look between Olga and Roman, both their faces grim as we sat on opposite sides of a table in a small, out of the way room in the depths of Chaldea.

We've only been back from the Fuyuki singularity for about a hour, but the two of them have decided that interrogating me takes precedence. Honestly, it makes sense that they'd feel the need to grill me, given that I'd all but dropped into Chaldea just a short while before Lev's bombs went off and that I summoned Tiamat and knew who she was while Chaldea's instruments had blanked on her.

I'm as suspicious as could be.

"Alright, we might as well get this over with. Who are you and where did you come from?" Olga asks, her eyes hardening as they bore into me.

I'm tempted to use my real name, but maybe it would be better if I hide it, if true names matter to Servants, who knows if there isn't magecraft that takes advantage of it. "Trent Blackmore, and I'm from Canada."

"You'll have to excuse me for doubting those statements as there isn't a Trent Blackmore in any of Chaldea's records as either a master candidate or as staff. Please, do tell us how you got into Chaldea?" Olga presses on to grill me, leaning back in her chair with her arms crossed. Even as Roman looks more pensive than anything, maybe worrying about the injured staff and such.

I shrug, "I don't really know? Earlier today I was headed to the nearest LGS for a tournament when a truck ran a red light while I was crossing the street, and then before it hit me I found myself here in Chaldea."

"That's kind of far-fetched, you know? The timing and circumstances of surrounding your appearance makes things look kind of bad…" Roman murmurs, his head cocked to the side.

I snort, letting my face droop into a more thoughtful expression as I ask, "Like how you appeared from nowhere, around the time of Maris Billy's death, with no prior records? Believe me Doctor Roman, we can both play this game."

"Wha- how dare you! Despite his layabout attitude and general lack of work ethic, Doctor Romani is a trusted member of Chaldea, and wouldn't-" The doctor grumbles even as Olga starts to go into a rant, but I cut her off.

I feel a sardonic grimace crawl up my features as I respond, "I hate to bring it up, but wouldn't you have said something similar about Lev before today?"

Olga stops short, flushing at the implication, she seems ready to erupt but she takes a deep breath, "Even if you're right about Lev, I get the feeling that Romani would be too cowardly to actually betray Chaldea's mission."

"Of course, of course, it was just a hypothetical scenario, seeing as he brought up my own origins as a reason to suspect me," I wave off Olga's reaction, and Roman looks decidedly uncomfortable.

The doctor coughs into his fist, looking more than a bit aggrieved, "Hmm, well, I suppose I'll apologize for that implication, but we do need to know who you are where you came from if we're going to entrust Chaldea's resources to you."

"Y-yes, that's right, we're not here to discuss if Romani is trustworthy, we're deciding on whether or not we'll be able to trust you as we proceed," The white haired director stammers briefly before catching back onto her flow. She takes a moment to clear her throat, and then speaks, "Now then, in exchange for your being frank we are willing to ensure your safety, doubly so if you agree to work with us to return history to its proper state. Is that acceptable to you?"

That's fair. Honestly, they're probably being a lot softer on me then they might usually have been due to the current circumstances of Chaldea. I take a deep breath and wet my lips as I start, "Well, let's put it like this, you know about Zelretch and his shtick? Then consider how other universes might have knowledge of each other."

"Yes, right, Multiverse theory and the Kaleidoscope…" Doctor Roman trails off in thought as he considers my answer, and suddenly blanched. The doctor then spoke, "Still, the various possibilities aside, how can you be sure that the knowledge you have would even match up with events here, nor do I even want to consider the possible platforms that you could have see that portrayed our universe."

I keep as straight a face I can, my lips quirking a bit. "That's completely fair. I probably wouldn't want to know how someone knows the goings on in my universe. As for things being different… well, I don't deny that I've already changed some things, or that there could be things that have changed or that will be different from what I know."

"Well, I'm very curious then, as to how your knowledge will help us if there's apparently a chance that it could be faulty or entirely incorrect?" The director questions, her eyes narrowed.

"Well, beyond just knowledge of possible future Singularities and other such events, I'll also be able to recognize a good number of Servants and other figures on sight. Alongside that, there's the fact that you _literally_ have no other options," I answer, feeling a bit put out over the whole direction that the conversation's gone. But, she isn't wrong. Things change all the time, no plan survives contact with the enemy, and all that. Who's to say that Solomon hadn't lifted knowledge of mine and Tiamat's appearance from Lev and was responding to that?

The director definitely doesn't look satisfied with that response, but she lets it drop in favour of a different line of questioning, "Fine then, what about that Servant you summoned, how do you know that she is Tiamat?"

"She made an appearance, and as you probably realized, she's rather memorable in many ways," I try and explain without going too deep into the truth of the primordial goddess.

Still Roman presses on, his eyes locked onto a clipboard he brought in with him, "The real question is her class, seeing as that would help us map out her capabilities and such. Can you tell us what it was or what it's supposed to be?"

"I only ever saw her as a Beast class, I can only speculate as to what other classes she'd qualify for," It's true, I don't think anyone (outside of Nasu) actually knows what classes Tiamat qualifies for outside of Beast.

"Beast class?" The two ask, both of them clearly intrigued and confused.

Oh boy.

{~}{~}

"So, seven servants of the regular classes are summoned in the receptacle of Grand Servants in order to combat the appearances of these Beasts?" I nod as Olga asks for clarification, having had to carefully weigh my words in regards to the Beasts and Grand Servants. Olga's been the one mostly questioning me, with Roman taking notes and only speaking up for either questions that Olga either overlooked or if he needed further clarification or details.

"And you're saying that the fourth Beast has already been defeated?"

I nod again, thinking of Fou, "Yeah, without a fight even."

"How?" Olga inquires, her eyes narrowed in thought as she considered the implications.

Taking a breath, I steel myself for her response as I answer, "Through understanding, compassion, companionship, and love."

"You're actually serious? That's absurd on so many levels, how would those defeat a supposedly great danger to humanity, especially if it's supposed to be the sort of threat that would need seven Grand Servants to defeat?" The director goes off. Honestly, I can't fault her for that reaction, I would as well if I didn't know the things I do.

I shrug, "It was neutralized as a threat before it could become one, meaning that while it holds the position of a Beast, it shouldn't become one."

"This is all nonsense…" Olga murmurs, palming her face and massaging it in exasperation. Roman and I share an awkward look over Olga's hunched form, unsure of what to do until the director sits back up, a haggard look on her face as she speaks, "Alright Blackmore, I'm done. We're done, for now, and we aren't going to continue this talk until we've had time to get this all straightened out. However, I believe that you are being earnest in your admission of wanting to help Chaldea return the proper Human History, and undo the various singularities. Now please, go."

"Then, thank you for giving me a chance, Director Animusphere," I say as I stand, moving around the table to the door.

As my hand closes around the doorknob, Olga speaks up, "Blackmore… thank you for saving my life."

"I just did what I thought was right, not for any other reason," I smile over my shoulder, holding back a tired laugh, "Like I said in Fuyuki, you didn't deserve what happened to you."

I open the door and step forward, into someone. Looking up, a pair of red orbs stare into my own blue ones, Tiamat has clearly been waiting diligently.

"LAAAAAAAAAA––––––"

"Well excuse me, I didn't know you were there. I figured you would have wandered off somewhere," I argue with the goddess as I step around her. There's a tapping of feet and I see Mash jogging over to us, clad in her casual clothes, and Fou trotting along beside her.

She smiles as she sees me standing chest to chest with Tiamat and calls out, "Ah, Senpai, I'm glad to see that everything worked out."

"Hey Mash, you doing alright?" I ask, waving to the teen.

The Demi-Servant beams at me, "I'm doing well Senpai. How did your meeting with the Director and Doctor Roman go?"

"About as well as I could have hoped for, all things considered," I answer, because honestly, things couldn't have really gone better than they did. Or at least, I'm fairly sure they couldn't have. Shaking my head, I look down at Mash and ask, "So, what brought you down here?"

"Ah, right, I came to see if you needed any help getting around Chaldea?" Even as my recently acquired kouhai makes that inquiry, I'm nodding in agreement. Her face lights up as she continues, "Then I'd be glad to show you around, follow me Senpai."

I can't help my mouth curling a bit as I trail behind Mash while she points out certain locations that I make sure to memorize, like Da Vinci's workshop or the small gym. The tour's fairly mundane and it ends with the lot of us sitting in the cafeteria, Tiamat and I eating some food that had been scrounged up and prepared by what remained of the cafeteria staff.

It honestly wasn't much, but it was enough to sate the hunger gnawing at my stomach. Although I'll admit, it's hard to swallow, the food sticks in my throat when I remember that Tiamat essentially ate two people today.

For a moment, there's the taste of ashes in my mouth and I force myself to swallow. My expression must have given me away from the way Mash speaks up, "Senpai, is everything alright?"

"Just… just a bad memory, you don't need to worry about it," I answer, trying to smile reassuringly to her. She clearly doesn't believe me but decides to let it drop, if the frown that briefly creases her face is any indication.

Eventually, Roman appears with a key to a room that had apparently been assigned to me and bids Mash to guide me there. It's a surprisingly short walk from the cafeteria to the room, and the Demi-Servant leaves shortly after that. My bag, which had been confiscated when we returned from the Fuyuki Singularity, sat on a desk in the corner, against the wall opposite the door is a bed.

I walk over and collapse onto the bed, not even bothering to take of my glasses off as I sink face first into the pillow.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA––––"

I only have time to turn to look at Tiamat, who had apparently followed me in, falling onto the bed atop me. I shift beneath her, trying to escape her pressing weigh as she lays atop me.

In the dark of the room, a single question echoes.

"Why this?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Fumble Order 03**

"I can't believe there's a FAQ dedicated to Da Vinci."

Olga sighs from her seat opposite me, "You wouldn't believe how much time we've saved since adding that to the orientation package."

I have to consider Da Vinci's state in Chaldea for a moment, a woman who looks like the Mona Lisa, on top of it being his… her… their choice to appear as such. "Fair."

"Other than that, we've registered you as the forty-ninth Master of Chaldea and clarified your status on our records, for the sake of… diverting certain inquiries," She explains, though I'm sure at least some of those records were falsified. Grabbing the cup of tea set before her, she takes a sip before continuing, "In regards to those members of Team A that you implicated in future issues, we'll try to ensure that they're watched for any suspicious activity during and after their recovery, but that's all."

"What? Come on, Director, they're totally up to no good," I complain, looking up from the package at her.

She shook her head, "For starters, we can't just take your accusations at face value, and second, we had to go through entirely too much work to identify them properly! If you're going to give us names, then give us proper names! Not 'Crystalia McGirlname' or 'Haddock Simpers,' is that so difficult?"

"Hey, I was close! Plus, a lot of magi have weird names, you can't blame me for making some mistakes!" I argue, slapping the orientation package against the table.

One of her eyebrows ticks up, "Are you insulting the proud Animusphere name?"

"No, of course not, but you have to admit, that a good number of magi names do not roll off the tongue," I reply, very carefully not meeting her gaze.

Olga sighs, "Just leave Blackmore, I still have more work to do restructuring everything and I can't waste too much time entertaining you."

"Fine, fine, I'll get out of your hair, see ya later Director," I answer as I stand, tucking the orientation package under arm. She simply waves me off as I leave the room, and I pause for a moment to look at the package.

"Might as well."

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"Hello and welcome to the lovely Da Vinci's Workshop~!" The Renaissance Man in a woman's body cheers as I walk through the door to their workshop. Shapely and beautiful, I can't help but pause in the face of Da Vinci's looks, causing her to chuckle.

I sigh as I overcome my momentary shock, "Nice to meet you, I'm Trent Blackmore."

"Indeed, I've been expecting you, young man! Were you perhaps intimidated by the thought of being in the same room of a genius such as me? Hohoho, there's nothing to worry about, I'll be sure to go easy on you," Da Vinci laughs, her eyes twinkling.

I can't stop the words from leaving my mouth on instinct, "What if I want it rough?"

Da Vinci stops and stares at me, and then chuckles, "I think you'll be a fun one to have around. Now, is there anything you need or was the visit simply for pleasure?"

"I just came by to introduce myself, as we'll be working together in the future. As for pleasure… well, we'll see how things turn out," I answer, shrugging off the joke. After a moment, I speak, "Actually, can you point me towards the summoning chamber?"

"Hm, going to summon another Servant are you?" She asks, looking a bit pensive. "I thought we had a connection, and here you are already planning to replace me."

"I'm a cruel man, Miss Da Vinci, a single Servant cannot satisfy my lust. I'm sorry," I make a show of shaking my head and schooling my features into a stoic grimace, but I start cracking up almost immediately.

Da Vinci is in the same boat, and our laughter quickly fills the workshop. After the laughter dies down, the Renaissance (Wo)man speaks, "You're definitely going to be a fun one to have around. But, to answer your question, the summoning chamber is just a few doors down, just head left when you leave."

"Alright, thank you for that," I answer, giving a wave as I turn and head for the door.

Da Vinci's voice calls after me as I go, "Have fun, and summon an interesting Servant, maybe a handsome one~!"

"Ah, I see, we're trying to replace each other," I smile back over my shoulder and we share another laugh as I step out of her workshop. Following her directions, I find the summoning chamber with a small placard on the door naming it, which is the only real sign of the room's grand purpose.

As I look about the room, the sigils on the floor light up, illuminating the circle. I breathe deeply, and let the image form.

The finger braces against the spark wheel, and then pulls down, ripping the wheel. Spark meets gas… and the flame [i]ignites[/i].

I feel the circuits blaze open, and the light making up the summoning circle surges, and a figure appears within it. Short and clad in darkened armour, her blonde hair done up in a bun, her hand comes up and pulls the visor off her face as an amused sneer climbs up her face, "You'll find Master, that you won't be rid of me so easily."

The altered version of Artoria Pendragon, the Tyrant of Knights, stands before me with Excalibur Morgan in hand. Her mouth curls into a cruel smirk as she continues, "Though I might be willing to lend you my power, you'd do well to keep that beast of yours in line around me."

"Ah bugger." I declare as I meet her sickly yellow gaze, causing her to make a small noise of either satisfaction or contempt. Sighing, I rake my hand through my hair and speak, "Well, I suppose I should welcome you to the Chaldea Security Organization, we are a group dedicated to maintaining the Human Order and the Proper Human History. Due to the current situation, we've quite the road ahead of us in regards to restoring the world to its proper state."

"I'm aware Master, I'm not so incomplete a Servant as to lack guidance from the system that summoned me. Now, Master, show me to the Great Hall, I hunger," Artoria basically orders me, dismissing her arms and armour in favour of the dress she wears beneath it.

I stare at her for a moment, considering what she might mean by Great Hall before deciding that she probably wants to head to the cafeteria and shrug, "Fine with me."

Turning on my heel and walking out the door, a voice calls out, "Senpai, Doctor Roman told me you were… oh."

"Hey Mash, decided to try and summon someone new, got Saber here. We were heading to the caf to get her some food, you want to join us?" I'd really like it if she did, as I get the feeling that the Tyrant will just take the chance to snipe at me the whole time. Don't get me wrong, I can enjoy banter, but the burning and tingling feelings that the summoning has left me with are not conducive to actually being genial.

The lilac haired girl pauses for a moment but speaks, "Of course Senpai, but afterwards could I ask you to accompany somewhere?"

Go somewhere with her? Where?

"Sure thing," I answer after thinking over what she could want me for and coming up blank, though it wouldn't hurt to hear her out.

{~}{~}

I don't know what to say in the face of the situation before me, getting food for Saber Alter had been easy enough and my own meal had helped with my own irritability but where Mash had led me makes it difficult to speak.

"Hello Senpai, I… I don't really know what to say to you, but… I'm sorry I couldn't do anything to help you," Mash struggles with her words as she speaks to the tube containing the currently frozen Ritsuka Fujimaru. The person who was supposed to be the forty-eighth Master of Chaldea, the person who was supposed to be Mash's Master.

The person who was supposed to defeat Goetia and restore the timeline.

It was supposed to be her, not me, but the idiot girl had to push me out of the way of some falling debris and get injured enough to be out of commision until we can get her and the others who were similarly wounded proper medical attention. Watching Mash regale the comatose girl with our trip through the Fuyuki Singularity, I can't help but grimace from the ugly feeling in my gut.

Eventually, the young lady winds down in her tale, and turns to give me a searching look. I walk up to her and stand in front of the pod, laying a hand on Mash's shoulder, "Why don't you head on out… I'm still not sure as to what I want to say to her."

As Mash closed the door behind her, the roiling in my gut only intensifying as I stare down at the stainless steel coffin, contrition and anger at war in my heart.

Why did she have to save me? It wasn't… isn't supposed to be me who goes through all of this.

I doubt that I'll be able to get along with Servants like Mephisto or Phantom, or keep from stepping on the toes of the more temperamental Servants. I couldn't be the likable weirdo that Fujimaru is supposed to be, or even ape her attitude that well.

I hate this. I hate the fact that she unknowingly shoved all this responsibility on my shoulders, and that I can't just run away from it or avoid it. And more than that… I hate the fact that I'm so angry at her for saving me, that she sacrificed her own wellbeing for my sake.

It wasn't out of any need to save someone, just her being a selfless weirdo or maybe it was just a knee jerk reaction. But this is how everything has ended up…

I tap my fist against the lid of the pod, and murmur, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, and… thank you. Thank you for saving me."

"LAAAAAA-"

Jumping from Tiamat's sudden interjection, I turn to meet her gaze, her crimson orbs boring into mine. Staring at Tiamat's visage for a few moments, I take a steadying breath and nod.

Even if this is a terrible situation, I have to try and make the best of it.

{~}{~}

Walking into my room with Tiamat trailing behind me, I'm greeted by the sight of the Altered Artoria lounging on my bed, my bag open beside her and my various decks in a jumbled pile that she's been digging through. They're all messed up, in disarray and no doubt all shuffled together in such a way that it'll be a pain to separate them into their proper decks again. I don't even have it in me to be angry at this point and I just ask, "Why this?"

"Hmm? Ah, Master, I came to begin exacting my revenge upon you," The Servant of the Sword answers as she gestures at the pile of cards in front of her. Taking my silence as a cue to continue, she keeps going, "Of course, so long as you have those pesky Command Seals, I can't kill you, so I must settle for less permanent and more petty revenges."

"Artoria Pendragon, there's petty and then there's true evil. What you've wrought here is the purest and greatest of evils that can be wrought upon a card game player. Do you have any idea as to how long it'll take me to sort all this out?" I'm tempted to raise my voice, but the horrorshow before me keeps me from shouting. Oh god, they're all getting mixed together, Chaos Breaker's mingling with the Bermuda Triangle, exactly where he's not supposed to be.

I raise up my hand, palm towards me, and look Saber Alter cutting off her answer as I intone, "By the power of the Command Seal, you'll help me clean and sort out the mess you've made."

There's a burning on the back of my hand, not as strong or painful as the feeling born of summoning Alter, but I'm rewarded by the unamused look on her face.

I'm pretty sure I'll get the Command Seal back at midnight, but even if I don't, this will have been worth it, if only for the clearly displeased look on her face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Fumble Order 04**

"Rashad, you're my favourite," I declare as I slurp on a milkshake, sitting in one of the lounge and bar areas that Chaldea has set up. There are actually two, but only one's operational due to the current number of inhabitants and workers in Chaldea currently being on the low end.

The man behind the bar is one of the few employees to have survived Lev's bombing and he chuckles as he wipes down a beer stein, "You say that, but I'm sure that one of the Servants will steal you from me eventually. Especially with how often you've been using the summoning chamber."

"Eh, with how that burns my circuits and the like, it might take them some time," I reassure him, even as I shift uncomfortably. The strange combination of burning, tingling, and numbness that invaded my body after summoning Servants reasserting itself.

The barman shakes his head and nods at Tiamat, "Are you sure she doesn't want anything specific?"

Looking at the mother goddess, who was working her way through a root beer float and had scooped the ice cream out with one of her hands and was licking at it, I shrug, "No idea, but I'm sure we'll know if she ever does."

I've summoned a number of Heroic Spirits, but… Honestly, I'm kind of sad that Herc hasn't shown up, but hey, we're doing pretty well either way. We've got Tiamat after all.

As for my relations with them… well, I get along decently enough with Mash, Emiya, the Cus, Boudica, and Robin Hood, but I don't get along with the honourable King of Knights and I managed to make a terrible first impression in regards to Mata Hari. And as for the Tyrant of Knights… I'd be lying if I said that I knew for sure as to where we stood with one and other.

Tiamat remains a mystery, but that might just be due to the language barrier.

And in the case of the Altered Arturia Pendragon… I wouldn't say that there's a tension or a closeness between us, so I suppose that the encounter we had was simply her not wanting to fly solo and her having trash taste if I was her prime choice in partner. Though I won't say it to her face, I suppose that it's something that I can take comfort in that even great heroes can have bad taste.

Still, I can't help but feel that I'm doing these great figures of legend a disservice with how blasé I am in regards to their presences… but, I've never been the sort to be awe of anyone or anything like that.

I take a moment to finish my milkshake and prepare to leave, just in time for Tiamat to spill her drink down her front with a surprised murmur, "LAAAAAAA-"

Sighing, I accept the towel that Rashad hands me and start cleaning the Beast sitting with me, she even managed to smear ice cream all over her face.

Saving the world isn't all I chalked it up to be.

…at least she didn't try to eat the glass this time.

{~}{~}

Strolling into the control room, the ominous orange form of SHEBA hangs in the air in front of me, and I can't help but stare at the molten sphere for a moment.

"Blackmore? Do you need something?" Roman's voice snaps me out of my study, and I turn to him. He looks a bit haggard, with some clear bags under his eyes and shadow a few hours past five on his face.

Noticing my scrutiny, the doctor sheepishly scrubs at the fuzz on his chin, and I chuckle, "Just came to see how things were going, but I guess that you're working yourself to the bone."

"The director wants the next Singularity located as soon as possible, and while the micro singularities are useful for gathering supplies, they aren't what we're looking for," he shook his head as he went over that, looking more than a little put out.

I clap him on the shoulder, and smile as comfortingly as I can, "Well, you're going to be running yourself ragged here until we find the next Singularity, but once it's found Olga's gonna ride my ass to resolve it as fast as possible."

"Yeah, but that's not what's happening right now, Blackmore. Besides, after you rectify the Singularity then it'll be back to the grindstone for us," Roman replied, an expression halfway between a grimace and a smile on his face.

Nodding, I can't help but laugh a little at that, "So, all the while, we're stuck in this cycle while Olga gets to lord over us and complain that we're not working fast enough. The perks of being the boss are real."

"That really seems to be the case, doesn't it?" He answers, scratching at his cheek. "No change yet, so you're safe for now."

"For now," I concur, turning my gaze back to SHEBA. France should be next, and it shouldn't be too difficult to deal with especially if I can leverage Tiamat's existence as a means to curb Jeanne Alter's wyverns.

I nod to the doctor as I take my leave, I think I can squeeze out another summoning today.

{~}{~}

As the light from the summoning dies down and I very much regret doing another summon, I blink in surprise at the figure that's appeared before me. Before she can say anything, I speak, "You're a year or so early."

"Hoho, is that so? I'm not entirely sure as to what you mean, but for now, call me the Caster of Midrash," The Queen of Sheba answers me as she looks about the summoning chamber, her ears twitching atop her head.

Shrugging, I turn to exit the room before calling over my shoulder, "I'm fine with that, but if the Director asks me to disclose your True Name, I'll do so. Also, we should have a room for you set up, but it might be best if we visit Doctor Roman to make sure that we don't put you in the wrong place."

"Well, if you're so certain, I'll follow your lead on this," She answers cheerfully, before turning her gaze to Tiamat and eying her curiously. "Though I do have to wonder as to why such a esteemed figure has appeared here…"

"She's the only one who could answer that, and well…" I trail off, the Mother Goddess AAAAAAAA-ing at the dusky Caster. As we step out, I spot a passing technician and call out to him, "Hey, Nadette, have you seen Doctor Roman?"

"Last I saw he was headed back to his office, what do you need him for?" The blonde answers, looking up from the device in her hand.

Hiking a thumb over my shoulder at the newly summoned Caster, I explain, "Just summoned Caster here and I want to make sure that I don't send her to the wrong room or anything."

"Well, whatever," She replies, waving me off as she continues on her way.

Leading Sheba to Roman's office, she murmurs, "I'm rather surprised at how unaffected that magus was by my presence, though I suppose that with someone like that mother goddess here, they must be desensitized."

"With the majority of magi, I think it's mostly just them considering Servants as familiars before anything else. If the Heroic Spirit summoned is a big enough deal to them, they'll probably react a bit, but I can't say for sure," I bob my head about as I say that, though I can't quite be sure as to whether I'm right, but being right isn't everything.

The heroic spirit hums, "And you?"

"I'm just irreverent."

That got a chuckle out of her, though our conversation came to a halt as we reached the Doctor's office and I knocked on the door, "Hey Doctor Roman, I ended up summoning another Servant and I need some help getting her situated."

"Really? I thought you kne-" Roman starts through his door, only to fall silent when it opens to reveal the Queen, Tiamat, and I. He blinks at the three of us for a moment, before speaking, "Alright, so, you summoned a new Servant and want me to help situate her? Who even is she?"

"Ah, I'd prefer that I remain anonymous for the moment, so I'm going by Caster of Midrash," She declares from behind me, in a rather… curious tone.

The good doctor nods at the Caster, and casting a glance over my shoulder shows that she's focusing on him with laserlike intensity. Pulling at the collar of his shirt, he asks, "And you know her True Name?"

"Of course, but I've acquiesced to her desire to keep her name to herself, under the condition that if Olga asks me as to what her identity is, then I'll tell her," I explain, smiling genially at Roman.

He ultimately sighs, "Fine, you go do… whatever it is you do in your time off."

I spin on my heel, but clap Sheba on the shoulder and murmur in her ear before I go, "Don't be too hard on him, we need him for things."

She gives me a questioning look and I wink before trotting off, Tiamat following behind.

I've done a good deed for the day.

 _Author's Note: Just a small transition chapter between the Fumble Order, and French Odyssey_


	5. Chapter 5

I stand in front of the auditorium, manipulating the images on the screen beside me as best I can, and begin, "So, the recently discovered Singularity takes place in France, just after the execution of Jeanne d'Arc. The situation is being caused due to a huge outpouring of wyverns that are ravaging France on the orders of a so-called Dragon Witch."

That gets some murmurs from those in the hall.

Doctor Roman was diligently taking notes while Sheba was sitting beside him, simply watching my presentation. Both Da Vinci and Olga were rounding out the main staff sitting in the audience, with the rest of the seats being filled with Servants.

"Now, onto the nitty-gritty," I say, flipping over to a blank screen, quickly typing up a few names, words, and lines connecting them. "These are the Servants that we're likely to encounter, dividing into the categories that we're likely to see meet them in. Those categories being possibly helpful, and enemy. Now, on the maybe helpful side we'll probably have Jeanne d'Arc, Marie Antoinette, Mozart, Siegfried, Elizabeth Bathory, Saint Georgios, Gilles de Rais, and Kiyohime."

As I jot down the other names, I grimace at the thought of Kiyohime… she's cute enough but I dunno if I could deal with her breathing down my neck… "Anywho, our opposition will be summoned by the Dragon Witch under the influence of Mad Enhancement in order to keep them from rebelling against her orders. They'll be a troublesome lot to deal with, given the probable line up. So, we have Vlad Tepes III, Carmilla, Chevalier d'Eon, Saint Martha, Atalanta, Lancelot, and Charles-Henri Sanson," Taking a breath, I pause as I add in three more names. "And the last three hurdles to deal with are Fafnir, Gilles de Rais, and an Altered version of Jeanne d'Arc."

I can see that Olga's getting ready to interrupt so I start back up again, "Now, the reason why we have two different Gilles and Jeannes is due to the fact that we have two different versions of each. The Gilles… Gilleses… Gillesi?… Doesn't matter, but they are pre and post Jeanne's death, with one being a Saber and the other being a Caster. The Saber Gilles is a bit gloomy but otherwise an okay fellow, whereas the Caster Gilles is nuts and enjoys sacrificing people to Cthulhu."

Taking a moment to clear my throat, "As for the Altered Jeanne, she's not like the other Alter we have here in Chaldea, who is a possibility present within Arturia Pendragon's person. The Jeanne Alter that we're likely to encounter is the insane Gilles' delusion given flesh, a hateful version of Jeanne who desires vengeance against France and the world for her death. Ultimately, she's something that shouldn't exist, but does due to Gilles' possession of the Holy Grail."

"And Fafnir? You mentioned that it would be appearing," Da Vinci asks, jotting her own notes down.

I nod, "While Fafnir is likely to appear, his appearance will be mitigated by the combined presences of Georgios and Siegfried."

I look at my audience, flip over to a blank section, and begin my suggestions as I write clumps of names, "Now, the ideal method, in my opinion will be to split Jeanne Alter's attention. So, I have a few teams in mind for the sake of seeding them throughout the Singularity to draw attention. Emiya, the regular Arturia Pendragon, and the Cu Chulainn that they know will be the first team, and their main job will be dealing with any large clusters of enemies that are sent out. The other team will be the Altered Arturia Pendragon, Robin Hood, the druidic Cu Chulainn, and Sasaki Kojiro, their mission will be to slow and harry the enemy down with Arturia Alter acting as their backup should it become necessary. The last team will be Mash, Tiamat, and I, we will leyshift into the Singularity first and rendezvous with the regular Jeanne, in order to coordinate with her and the allies that she finds."

"And what about gathering information on Jeanne Alter's movements? Shouldn't that take precedence?" Olga questions, looking at the Servants that I suggested fielding.

Nodding, I explain, "She doesn't think in a military mindset, nor does she act with a proper military structure, so trying to commit espionage on possible movements is pointless as she makes them all unilaterally. It's better to try and crush her forces as she fields them."

"Truly? Isn't she supposed to be Jeanne d'Arc? The one who led France's campaign against the English?" Roman inquires, his own brow scrunching in thought.

I scroll my presentation back to the part where I'd named her, "Like, she's a delusion that was given flesh and form, her primary concern is the destruction of France without thought or worry, hence why she was given the ability to summon and marshall dragonkin."

Seeing that they aren't quite getting it, I try again, "She's Gilles' edgy original character, who has all these powers so that she can win without having to think about it. She's supposed to just steamroll over any resistance without effort."

"Then, we're dealing with a Berserker? With a low rank in Mad Enhancement?" Olga asks, frowning in concentration.

I shrug, "Maybe? Honestly, it's within the realm of possibility, but it's more likely that she's manifested as one of two Extra classes. Either a Ruler, due to being based on the actual Jeanne d'Arc who is able to hold the class, or an Avenger, due to being created with an irrational hatred and almost all-consuming desire for revenge against the world."

"You mentioned Extra classes before, but I didn't expect them to pop up so soon…" Roman trails off, his hands jabbing at his tablet.

Harrumphing, I shake my head, "They'll show up every now and then, but they're rare Servants at the end of the day."

"Ignoring the discussion of Extra class Servants, this all seems in order however, should the situation not be as you described then I will take command of the mission and restructure it to fit my purview," Olga declares, cutting off the discussion of Extra class Servants before it could get to the point where Alter Egos or Foreigners get brought up.

With a final shrug, I say, "That's fine with me, if I'm wrong and things are different, then having more eyes and minds will be more than welcome."

"Alright, then we'll break for now. Blackmore, prepare yourself and gather what you need, while the Servants that you selected should be doing the same. We'll prepare ourselves for the operation on this end," The director nods, calling the meeting to an end.

As the device that I was working with powers down, I roll my shoulders and sigh.

Work, work…

As I move to follow the others out the door, Emiya stops me, "Are you sure that you'll really be able to step back and let someone else call the shots?"

"Yeah, if what I know is wrong, then I'll be flying blind, and it'll be good to have someone's guidance to fall back on in if things go that way," I reply with a shake of my head, though I do understand why the older man would worry about me being able to step back and let another person take control. I'd rather not be wrong about the information that I have, but if I am…

…Well, I'll deal with that when I get to that point.

{~}{~}

I pull at the collar of the Mystic Code that Chaldea had provided me with, resting in the coffin used for leyshifting and feeling more than a little claustrophobic. But, through the transparent lid, I watch the technicians and staff bustle about and prepare everything with Olga standing above observing them.

I try to steady my breathing and close my eyes, and Roman's voice picks up over the intercom, "Beginning synchronization and submersion with the Singularity, caskets A1 through A3 online and…"

He drones on and I let myself drift, barely listening as I try to calm my nerves until Olga's voice cuts through the fuzz that I'd let settle over my mind.

"Now, we begin the first step to retake human history from this incineration event. With this, we begin the Grand Order!"

My eyes snap open just in time to catch the sight of a swirling… something, and then I'm on a road in the countryside. The air smells… not pleasant, but more earthy than the recycled air of Chaldea. The sun shines bright and beats down upon me, and-

"Senpai, are you alright?" Looking back at Mash and Tiamat, the Demi-Servant in her full Shielder regalia while the Beast was simply looking about blankly. When her gaze seems to latch onto something, I follow it to find a flight of wyverns bearing down on a squad of soldiers.

I don't quite know if I'm smiling, but I snap my fingers as declare, "Well, let's go get ourselves established."

"Yes, Senpai!"

"AAAAAAAAAAA-"

Twin calls drift into my ears as Mash and Tiamat dart past me.

The wyverns all seem to wheel about to look at the Servants as they bear down on the flight, some of them faltering and seeming uncertain while the soldiers scream in terror.

This is it, the start of the first Singularity, the battle to retake humanity from extinction.

 **The Hundred Years War of Evil Dragons**

 **Orleans**

"Hmm, what's a good name for this operation…" I wonder as I saunter after them, the flight seemingly breaking and running due to Tiamat's presence while the soldiers have all started cowered. "Well, we're in France, so maybe something French? Olga'll probably want to call it something pretentious but… Dans la France nous êtes les Baguette Braqueurs? Eh, Operation Baguette Raiders works."

Closing in on my companions and the soldiers, I give the soldiers a wave, "Bonjour, we are simply here to deal with the recent pest infestation that has inflicted itself upon France. Please, go about your duties and pay us no mind."

"There's no way we can do that, if you're working with such odd a thing as that she-devil," The apparent leader retorts, pointing at Tiamat with his spear.

Shrugging, I try and pull an affable smile on my face as I reply, "Ah, but monsieur, like the great King Solomon before us, we must treat with demons so that we might deal with the demon plaguing this land."

"You, you truly believe that something like that could stop the Dragon Witch?" The man asks, even as members of his troop exchange wary looks.

I nod, "Indeed, though I'd caution any against trying to summon demons of your own or working with such demons as that Prelati fellow."

"Monsieur Prelati? Is he not a good friend of the commander Gilles de Rais? Surely, he is someone who can be trusted," The soldier before me wonders, looking rather confused.

My face curls as I remember what I can of Prelati, and it's clear from the way the soldiers are reacting to my expressions that they think I'm overreacting. Still, I shake my head and declare, "I won't tell you how to live monsieur, but I'd sooner trust a starved fox in a chicken coop than I would Monsieur Prelati."

That was something I hadn't considered, running into Prelati… is something I'd rather avoid. Given what I know of his attitude, he'd likely throw his lot in with Jeanne Alter and Caster Gilles for kicks.

Francesca was physically cute, but François and their overall personality is shit.

…honestly, I don't know who would be more troublesome if they appeared. Francesca, François, or both of them…

 **Baguette Raiders 1**


	6. Chapter 6

**Baguette Raiders 2**

Watching Tiamat deal with wyverns was sort of like watching a child chase after butterflies. She would follow after them, swinging her arms at them, and if she caught them, she would shove them into her mouth and eat them.

I think I might be the only person to really think that, given that Mash was pointedly not looking at Tiamat's playtime while the various soldiers who were trailing after me were making odd noises. Looking over my shoulder at the Frenchmen, I console them as best I can, "Believe me, it's worse when she eats people."

"She eats people?!" Oh, whoops, got ahead of myself there. Different sensibilities and all that…

I'm getting kind of warped already, aren't I? Rather than voice my own worry over my seemingly shifting stance on Tiamat eating people, I answer, "Well, only two so far, and both of them were too dangerous to leave alone."

"Do you plan to have her eat the Dragon Witch as well?" One of the soldiers, I think he said his name was Hugo, asks as he shoves his spear into the chest of a zombie.

Sweeping the haft of my pilfered spear through the legs of a shambling corpse, I consider the question. Jeanne Alter is definitely an enemy here, but considering her strength as a Servant despite the foundation of her existence being flimsy… "If push comes to shove."

"What, you would treat with her too? Try and recruit her like that other devil of yours?" One of the more antagonistic soldiers snarls, plunging his sword into the leg of a zombie and then wrenching it out.

Taking a moment to knock the pelvis out of skeleton, I reply, "I mean, she'd be damn useful in the future, given some of the opposition that I'm going to be facing. If she decides to throw her lot in with mine, then wonderful, if not then she's dead."

The antagonistic soldier rounds on me, his face a blotchy red, but before he can speak, one of his comrades shouts.

"The Dragon Witch!"

Turning from the soldier to follow the other's gaze, I catch sight of a blonde woman clad in blue clothing and armour approaching. Rather than try and explain to the soldiers the difference between Vanilla Jeanne and Alter, I look wildly at the soldiers and and scream, "Run! Flee, while my allies and I take care of her!"

Luckily, it seems that they were far more afraid of Jeanne Alter than they were of being chewed out for running from a chance to fight her, so they broke and ran. Taking a bit to watch them go as Jeanne charged to aid Mash, Tiamat, and I in dispatching the remaining skeletons, I didn't turn back until they were out of sight.

Turning back to the silence of a finished battle, I'm about to greet Jeanne when I notice the blood coating the lower half of Tiamat's face. Ripping a relatively clean swath of fabric off a disembodied ribcage, I rub the mess clean as I grumble, "I'm gonna have to carry wet wipes or something around if you're gonna keep making messes like this…"

"Um, excuse me?" Turning my gaze from Tiamat, who is attempting to squirm away from my ministrations, I see that Jeanne has walked up to us. Nodding to her, I lift a finger and then use said hand to grab the struggling Beast by the chin and finish wiping away the rest of the mess.

Throwing away the rag when I was done and looking back at the Saint, I speak, "It's good to meet you, I'm Trent, these two with me are Mash and Tiamat. We're supposed to be joined by some disembodied voices, but they seem to be having some technical issues at the moment."

"I… see. Well, I'm Jeanne d'Arc, a Ruler class Servant who was summoned here to correct this Singularity. Though I feel… weaker than I should…" Jeanne trails off, a doubtful look on her face as she looks between the members of my trio.

I nod to her, "Well, me and mine are also working to ensure that this Singularity is solved, so if you'd care to throw your lot in with ours… And well, if you do so then we'd be more than happy to shore up any weaknesses you have, until you get back to one hundred percent."

"Then, I'll accept your offer," As she says that, the saint beams at me. Well, if she's willing to have us…

Smiling, I'm about to offer my opinion on where we should head when Olga's voice picks up, causing Jeanne to jump and look about, "Blackmore? Blackmore? Are we coming through?"

"Oh, Director, was wondering if something happened. Is everything alright on your end?" I inquire, if things were going wrong at Chaldea then it could mean doom for us in the Singularity.

The young lady sighs, "It turned out that Fou disconnected a wire in the console, but the fact that it took us this long to figure that out is inexcusable. Now, what's the situation in the Singularity?"

"Well, we've made contact with the Ruler class Servant Jeanne d'Arc, and have fought off a few waves of wyverns, skeletons, and zombies. Jeanne has agreed to cooperate with us to resolve the Singularity, though we currently haven't decided on a direction to head," I explain, apprising the Director of the progress that my group had made thus far.

Olga makes a noise, and I can hear some chatter before she replies, "Then head south towards Jura, there's a powerful leyline there that can be used to send the strike teams into the Singularity."

"Would that course of action work with you, Ruler?" I ask the perplexed blonde, who simply nods slowly. "I'll fill you in on the plan that we of Chaldea came up with on the way to Jura, sound good?"

"Yes, and as for the leyline… I believe I've an idea of where it is," The Ruler declares with a furrowing of her brow.

Before we can head off, Mash speaks up, "Senpai, do you think that Fou was acting up because we left him behind? I made a point of keeping him out of my coffin when were being inserted…"

That's right, Fou had been present during the first Singularity. Rather than voice that, I reply, "I guess, maybe we should have brought him along?"

"Well, he wouldn't have been able to cause trouble if we [i]had[/i]… But, it's a bit late to be considering hypotheticals like that," I shrug as I answer, it's not like Fou's presence changed much, in this Singularity at least.

Before Mash can answer, Olga's voice chimes in, "Kyrielight, while I'd rather that Fou not have unplugged the console, it would be unsafe for both occupants if he snuck into a Leyshifting Coffin, and we aren't going to set aside a coffin just for him."

"Of course Director," Mash answers, sounding a tad disheartened. I suppose it makes sense, Fou was one of her constant companions during her time in Chaldea, and now she's almost all alone out here. I reach out and pat her shoulder, offering a smile at her startled look.

{~}{~}

Jura was a mess of a forest, but as we plunged through it, intent on getting to the leyline as soon as possible. We've actually made some good progress on reaching it, but…

"Senpai, down!" I drop to the ground at Mash's shout, and there's a screeching noise, presumably either a wyvern screeching in pain or a wyvern's talons dragging along her shield.

I hear the sound of something splintering, and I turn my head in time to see Tiamat rapidly grow in size, one of her arms shifting into a mess of claws, scales and feathers as she swings it through the surrounding greenery. Her usual cry doesn't rise above its usual pitch as her arm slams into the wyvern that's pressing down against Mash's shield, and in the next moment, a pulped reptile drops to the ground next to me.

Maybe we can use it for dinner if need be…

A second wyvern swoops down through the canopy, but swerves into a tree as a blaring of string instruments echoes from the forest. It recovers quickly enough and leaps at Jeanne with its mouth open to rip into her, only for an orb of light to slam into its head and crush it.

We look to the source, and coming out of the trees are an eclectic pair, a blonde man dressed in a dark robe and formal clothing alongside a young woman with silver hair in a short red dress and a huge red hat. The young woman beams at us as she cheers, "Hello~, we saw what was going on and decided to lend a hand."

"Thank you for that," I reply, nodding to the pair of French Servants.

The young lady in red, one Marie Antoinette, simply skips over as she continues, "You see, Amadeus and I were summoned here to save the France of this era, and as a future Queen of this country, I could do nothing but agree!"

"What Marie means to say, my young friends, is that while we were travelling to find the source of these wyverns, we stumbled upon you and your recent plight," Mozart chimed in, following his childhood crush with a smile on his face.

I nod to them in thanks, and explain, "Well, we're aiming to do the same, though we're trying to get to the nearby leyline to call in some reinforcements."

"Ah, a fair idea, well, I wouldn't mind detouring a bit. How about you, Marie?" The composer asks his companion.

She sends her megawatt smile his way as she answers, "Of course, anyone who would save France is an ally!"

Hearing that, I match Marie's beaming and reply, "Sounds gucci to me."

"Ah, I see, I've heard of this sort of speech! Let me give it a try! W-whassup my homies?" Marie asks gleefully.

I hold back a snort as I answer, "Well, ya see, some busta is all up in the streets rippin on my girl Jeanne's cred and callin her a punk ass bitch. More than that, they're floodin the streets with their goons, and so we're gonna go and teach them who runs this hood."

"Please stop, Senpai," Mash pleads, causing me to break out laughing.

I choke down on my mirth as I continue, "Well, I suppose you've plenty of time to find the modern slang that suits you. But, I think it would be best if we kept moving."

"Please don't encourage things like that Blackmore," Olga grouses at me, sounding like she just bit a lemon.

Despite looking a bit put out, Marie falls into step with our group, chirping at Jeanne while they start walking. Mozart just smiles at all of us, chuckling lightly at the hubbub that Marie's brought to the group.

{~}{~}

The sun's long since set, and the reinforcements from Chaldea had been called through and sent on their way. Most of them had seen fit to go on their way, but Emiya left us with a number of packed meals.

Sitting around the fire, most of us quietly eating, even as Marie regales Mash with the tale of how she met Mozart, and how he proposed to her. The composer, even smiling as he was, had a slight tinge to his cheeks listening to the sory.

As the tale winds down, Mash looks to me and asks, "Senpai, have you ever had something like that happen?"

"Had someone come up to me and tell me they loved me and wanted to marry me? Nope, not once," I reply with a shrug as I set aside the container for my meal. My own romantic experiences were… a lot less dramatic than that.

Rather than press on me and my experiences, Mash turns her attention to Jeanne, "What about you Jeanne? You must have been popular while you were with the French army."

"Hmm, I suppose, but for my own experience with actually loving… well, there's a memory from another me. She was summoned to moderate a Grand Grail War, and during that time she met someone. What I remember doesn't paint him as a remarkable person, but she fell deeply in love with him," The Maiden of Orleans turns her gaze to the starry sky as she reminisces, while I swallow a scoff. Now's really not the time for me to go on a rant about my distaste for Sieg.

There's a warm smile on her face as she finishes, "But, he chose to take up a great duty, a burden that he didn't need to shoulder. But, even so, their hearts were connected, so she eventually left the Throne of Heroes and travelled to his side. And so, I pray for their love, and their happiness."

While Mash and Marie coo over the whole situation there, I mumble quietly, "How does that even work? Is there a door in the Throne of Heroes that she just moseyed out of?"

"I don't know, but I'm honestly kind of curious," Came a hushed reply from Roman, causing me to chuckle a bit.


End file.
